Space Wizard’s Burden

From my cosmic bubble deep in space, I heard the call. A creature in need, somewhere in the universe. It pierced my soul deep and from the strength of the cry, I knew that nobody had ever been in greater need. Although I was in the middle of my ten-thousand-year hibernation, this was far more important. I would have to begin the ritual again, going undisturbed for a further five-thousand years before reaching this point again. But somebody needed the help of Space Wizard. I couldn’t just ignore it.

I pulled out my all-powerful wand and teleported to the location of the person in need. It was on a strange little planet called Earth, inhabited by humans, which are pretty much the same as my own race, except with an odd thing called hair on their heads. Oh, and their skin comes in quite boring colours, ranging from white to black. I almost feel sorry for them, lacking the beautiful purple skin of my own race.

Anyway, I found the man who desperately needed help. As it turned out, he was trying to deal with all the blocked drains around Melbourne, a city on Earth. That was it. I’d sacrificed five-thousand years of immortality to fix some pipes. Humans have all these systems in place to deal with it on their own, but apparently this man was in such dire need that his call for aid reached me deep in space. Suffice it to say, I was pretty annoyed about the whole thing. I waved my wand about and fixed all the drains, then told the man that next time he should just use a drain inspections service. Melbourne seems like the kind of city that could handle that.

In the end, I decided that I really wasn’t ready to go back to ten millennia of hibernation. If this had been worth it, possibly by involving an epic quest, then I would have returned to deep space a very content wizard. But the whole thing was just so meaningless. So trite. I think instead I’ll just stay on Earth for a while and fix everyone’s problems. Maybe I’ll try the ritual in a few hundred years. Because right now, I’m not really feeling it.